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This guide was posted by an anonymous comment on our article post "How To Get More Efficiency Out Of Female Employees". All can say is bravo! Just wish you had posted it with your contact info. Thanks. Your reactions are appreciated. (Editor's Note)
Eleven Tips on Getting More Efficiency Out of Male Employees: There is no longer any question whether companies should hire men if women are in short supply. The important things now are to select the most efficient men available and how to use them to the best advantage.
Here are ten helpful tips on the subject: .
1. Pick older married men when possible. They are used to being bossed around and some of them remember to wash their hands after using the toilet. They are almost as likely to be flirtatious as younger men, but they are much more nervous about being caught at it.
2. When you have to use younger men, try to get ones who are housebroken and only think about sex every other minute.
3. General experience indicates that “hunky” guys are a complete pain in the butt and there is no space in their heads unoccupied by conceit and therefore available for work.
4. Retain a psychiatrist to give each male you hire a special psychological evaluation – one covering male conditions. This protects your company from gun maniacs; “sports”men who will call in sick for the first 4 weeks of hunting season; tv, sports, internet, or video game addicts; unsocialized throwbacks who have lived for the past 30 years in their parents’ basements; and those who go nine weeks without showering or changing socks.
5. Give the male employee a definite daylong schedule of duties. Work naturally finds women a lot quicker than it finds men.
6. Don’t change a man’s job from one to another too often. Men are generally about as adaptable as glaciers.
7. Allow for male psychology, particularly the fragile male ego. Arrange for someone to fawn over each male employee several times a day.
8. Be forceful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. It can be hard to get a man’s full attention and make him concentrate. Telling him you will take off your clothes if he can remember your instructions may be used as a last resort.
9. Be reasonably considerate about using tactful language around men. It confuses them and makes them suspicious.
10. Get enough uniforms so that each man will have no excuse for not wearing a laundered one.
1. Pick older married men when possible. They are used to being bossed around and some of them remember to wash their hands after using the toilet. They are almost as likely to be flirtatious as younger men, but they are much more nervous about being caught at it.
2. When you have to use younger men, try to get ones who are housebroken and only think about sex every other minute.
3. General experience indicates that “hunky” guys are a complete pain in the butt and there is no space in their heads unoccupied by conceit and therefore available for work.
4. Retain a psychiatrist to give each male you hire a special psychological evaluation – one covering male conditions. This protects your company from gun maniacs; “sports”men who will call in sick for the first 4 weeks of hunting season; tv, sports, internet, or video game addicts; unsocialized throwbacks who have lived for the past 30 years in their parents’ basements; and those who go nine weeks without showering or changing socks.
5. Give the male employee a definite daylong schedule of duties. Work naturally finds women a lot quicker than it finds men.
6. Don’t change a man’s job from one to another too often. Men are generally about as adaptable as glaciers.
7. Allow for male psychology, particularly the fragile male ego. Arrange for someone to fawn over each male employee several times a day.
8. Be forceful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. It can be hard to get a man’s full attention and make him concentrate. Telling him you will take off your clothes if he can remember your instructions may be used as a last resort.
9. Be reasonably considerate about using tactful language around men. It confuses them and makes them suspicious.
10. Get enough uniforms so that each man will have no excuse for not wearing a laundered one.
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