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Saturday, September 6, 2014

Female Style of Networking - Detrimental to Success?

Editors Notes: Are women better networkers or just different then men? Do  men go for the size/volume of business relationships while women build smaller more meaningful relationships? Does this help or hurt women?

Women are born networkers. After all, at its core, networking is about connecting with other people, and that’s something women excel at. Connecting is in our DNA.

Given that we have the social gene, I’ve been surprised in my work as a coach and the research I did for my new book, The Female Brand, that women often don’t have an expansive network – yet men do. We women tend to favor deep relationships with a group of close friends, a preference evolutionary scientists trace back to our roots as family caretakers and home keepers. We also see the preference for close, intense relationships in playground studies. Most girls tend to pair up and play one-on-one or with a small group, while boys are more likely to play with a series of different mates and play with a larger group. Later, when female hormones kick in, the preference for intimate relationships with a small group of friends accelerates.

A small group of deep relationships provides women with a reliable source of support and advice, but in the wider world of careers and brand building, a small though intensely committed group is not as advantageous as a large network of contacts – even if those contacts are superficial. In my coaching of senior executives, I also found that women, unlike men, are less likely to ask for a favor or introduction unless they know someone well. For many women, calling up a virtual stranger is painful. Likewise, women seemed more reluctant to do a favor for someone they didn’t know – say, recommend a friend of a friend for a job – unless they had actual experience working with the person.

Men, on the whole, seem less constrained in networking. Guys understand the mutual advantage of helping one another out. Many men can know someone casually or hardly at all and think it’s no big deal to call him to arrange an informational interview or pitch him for a specific job opportunity. They feel more comfortable pitching a casual friend or a friend of a friend.

That same tendency may be apparent in a recent Harvard Business Publishing study on Twitter usage, based on a random sample of 300,000 Twitter users in May 2009. Though men and women follow a similar number of users, men have 15 percent more followers than women and they have more reciprocated relationships in which two users follow each other, according to the report. The study also pointed out that women seem to be less compelled to have followers or "have more stringent thresholds for reciprocating relationships."
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  1. I agree completely with this article. However, growing up as a Tom Boy and playing on the boys sports teams before Title 9 and going into Sales right after college - I feel that I think more like a guy and as a result I'm not afraid of networking, I have a lots of contacts, and I freely share information with others. I think that some women just need more guidance to build their confidence in networking since they know a lot more people than they think. Thank you for sharing this article.

  2. Thanks for the article. I don't agree on "detrimental" fact really in a long term. Actual networking is like a 3 way handshake: "Initiate - Respond - Hold". Men tend to initiate & expand networks in all corners, though women prefer to expand in "known" zones. Women do experiment, but they either carry the networking if mutual or eventually shed it off. While men tend to keep it in most cases, even if not mutual or not required.

    Women relationship model is more concerned and deep because of the BDNF gene responsible for maintaining cortisol levels. This results in low stress levels in public speaking which helps women become better leaders too.

    A strange noticeable thing among my own friends - men do have more contacts, but are not regularly in touch. When asked why, the most common response I got is - "What if, we need this someday. No harm in keeping it." Though female friends have a different opinion - "I don't need it now. When needed will see & approach it."

    All in all women will network if needed & will hold it "well", rather than throwing sparks in the hay and let any strand to catch fire. All taken into account to a network of responsive members - quality relation vs. quantitative expansion.

    Count my 2¢.

  3. What is female style? Why would it be detrimental unless female lacks enthusiasm, confidence and belief? Not all females have the same style. Many female and male have the same styles - similar personality types do similar things when networking and building toward success.

    It's all about what your goal is, how you are going to achieve it and network your own way, style, time and with ease.

    My type makes it her business to network, research, search, find, look, seek until I get answers. If someone says, that doesnt work or you can't do that, I ignore them and I get the results I want - that's who I am; that's what I do and am able to assist others in the same.

    I'm not an advocate of female style or male style but I do recognize individual differences, preferences and personalities. I was told, when I had 30 reports to write in less than two days, YOU CAN, YOU WILL AND YOU MUST! and I DID!

    The only style that worked was ATTITUDE and getting my ass kicked to do it!

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  5. This was an interesting article. I don't agree that women do not have an expansive network. I for one joined 18 chambers and 9 networking groups when I first got into business with my son. Eighty percent of my business was chamber members and referrals from the goups. I have networked for 6 years and have learned what a good referral is for me and for the person who I am making that connection. I am not shy about asking for a referral or starting a conversation with a stranger in a room full of networkers. Of course I have to know someone and buld a relationship because I need to make sure they are eithical, get to know them, trust them and then will do business. I have seen men work a room and all they do is hand out cards going from one person to another seeing how many cards they can collect. Not good practice in my mind. What you do with the business card and contact is important. Follow up by e-mail and phone, set an appointment to talk about each others business and understand what is a good referral.

  6. Interesting, but in my experience the distinctions you draw are more impacted by personality type, particularly introversion versus extroversion, rather than gender.

  7. I wonder if the study considered gender equality as well. Out of 150,000 women in the study there will be a number that are "supervised" by their husbands, boyfriends and/or relatives. In many cultures a woman networking in an outgoing manner of a man would be seen just plain promiscuous.


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